Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, understand and manage emotions and feelings and express them in an appropriate way. It also means you can empathies with other’s people emotions in the same way you do with your own. The consequence is a better communication and, accordingly, defused conflicts and improved relationships, stress and anxiety reduction.
It doesn’t have a genre: it belongs to our human nature, and really not only to human nature, but let’s talk only about it. And you are human, and I said it again human, if you are a woman, if you are a man, if you are LGBT.
Because of its effectiveness on our behavior and our relationships, EI really influences our life. But if EI is all about recognizing and understanding emotions, and putting label on it, then it has everything to do with our awareness, it is absolutely linked to mindfulness. And, again we have to come back to the root of wellbeing: being present. How can you develop that? Meditating.
In the Anapanasati Sutra Buddha said “Parimukham Satim Upatthapetva”, that means setting mindfulness before “him”, and here “him” is your breath. So you have to put your awareness even before your breath, this is what Lord Buddha said.
In our male based society kids are often told to be a man. I never understood what that sentence means but it happened to me too, I was told not to be a sissy but a real man and to toughen up because a real man doesn’t cry. What does it mean? that a real woman cry? So if you are a woman and you do not cry, you are not a real woman. That sounds crazy to me.
The problem is that from our childhood we were taught not to cry and keep it inside, and I see the message is still the same nowadays. Boys are taught that having feelings and asking help is bad and they come to believe that their value, their manhood is in their muscles, their money or their mojo. And if back in the days it was acceptable to see ladies crying, today also for girls crying is a badge of weakness.
What do I think about it? Those tears are the teardrop of our feelings, and they can be tears of happiness and joy or tears of sadness or pain, but no matter what, tears are sons of our emotions. And there is nothing intrinsically bad in it, if you put your awareness before “him” and then you let go. So instead to learn not to cry I think we should learn how to cry, putting our awareness before “him” and then let everything go…yes, let everything go and having a kind of mindful short-term memory span, as animals have.